The pace of business may be making us forget our manners.

 

Caught up in the constant stream of information, we may lose sight of the importance of saying “hello” in the hallway or looking up from the screen when speaking to someone.

 

In the September issue of The WATT™ Report, our email newsletter for WATT™ Network members, we offered a few expert tips on making the workplace a little more pleasant. (Contact info@theWATTnetwork.com to learn how to join or subscribe.)

 

Have you had to deal with rude behavior, either your own or your staff’s? How do you demonstrate and encourage social graces? Share your comments here.

You've probably never heard of TPS before but I'll bet you've experienced it on some level. TPS stands for tall poppy syndrome, a reference (dating back to ancient Rome) to cutting the tallest poppy or taking shots at the most openly ambitious or successful person.

This term is used in the United Kingdom, Ireland, Australia and New Zealand to describe situations where a successful person - also called a tall poppy - is prone to verbal attacks, jealousy, criticism and other disparaging behavior. Their crime? Being recognized or elevated above their peers because of their accomplishments or talents.

In the United States, this type of disapproval is typically reserved for one particular group: successful women who have dared to step out of the narrow confines of success that society dictates for them. And worse, it's often other women standing in the wings ready to trip them up or take them out.

Sound harsh? Maybe. But I know many women who have sat on both sides of this destructive syndrome.

Now more then ever we need talented, successful women to step out, step up and take charge. Let's do our part to support them. After all, someone needs to stand head and shoulders above the rest and lead. Why not a woman?

No, I haven't gone off the deep end in asking you this question.  It's a serious question. Serious enough in fact that an online recruitment firm in the United Kingdom commissioned research focused on this very question. (Read more here.)

What did they find? Both men and women agreed that men make better bosses. In fact, 75 per cent of men and 63 per cent of women were in agreement. But there's more.

Negative attributes for women included: being sharp-tongued, moody, too cliquey, too competitive and, too focused on appearance. (For the record, I did not make this up.) No positive attributes were listed.

The article went on to list several positive attributes for men including: straight-talking, less likely to get involved in office politics, easier to reason with, less likely to bitch about others as well as several others. (Read more here.)

So, back to my original question. Do men make better bosses than women? Please post your comments to this post.

Since I was a little girl my favorite quote has been, "Believe in yourself and all things are possible." For the most part, throughout my life and throughout my career I have believed in myself. That belief has been the cornerstone of my success.

Yet, so many of my clients and the women I speak to at seminars, lack that innate belief in themselves that I have always taken for granted. In a recent article, Rebecca Macieira-Kaufman, President of Citibank California, said, “Don't underestimate yourself. Do a great job at whatever you do. If your job requires you to do X, Y, and, Z, do a fantastic job of X, Y, and Z. Producing fantastic results means you’ll have more opportunities.” 

When you do a fantastic job, you will receive more positive recognition. When you receive more positive recognition, it adds to your confidence. When you feel more confident, you will receive more opportunities. The next thing you know, you start to believe in yourself. When you believe in yourself, so do others. It's really that simple.

During the past few weeks I've had the opportunity to speak with a number of senior level women who are all struggling with demands on their time. Each of them admitted they had obligations on their calendars that they would rather avoid and which had nothing to do with moving their personal or professional goals forward. So I asked them: what are they doing there in the first place?

The answer: I didn't know how to say no!

Learning how to say no is a critical leadership skill that will save you a lot of time and aggravation in the long run. Need a simple tool to help you say no? Just remember the 'U-S-A' formula. It stands for understand, situaton and alternative. 

Here's how it works. When someone approaches you about taking on a task that conflicts with your own goals or desires, start out by saying, "I understand you need... " (insert whatever it is they have asked of you). Then tell them the situation, "But here's my situation ... " (insert what you have going on and why you can't deliver what they are requesting). Then provide an alternative, "How about..." or "Here's what I can do for you ..." (insert appropriate alternative).

It's as simple as that. If you have ideas on how to say no, please post your comments to this blog. I think we can all use a little more help in learning how to say no.

As a former marketing executive and a leadership practitioner, I always assume that everyone out there is just like me: looking to advance their career (or business) and move to the next level. Makes sense, right?

I recently spoke with a client who is on the cusp of making partner in her firm. When she told me, I was genuinely excited for her. What an exciting opportunity! Then she told me something that shocked me.

She was avoiding having the partner conversation with her boss because she wasn't sure if she really wanted to make partner. Why? Because she knew that she would have a bigger work load and she was already feeling like she had a full enough plate, and more importantly, she would have to do more of those things that she really didn't like to do. She acknowledged that the salary and title were strong incentives though.

We spent time discussing under what circumstances she would consider taking on the partner role including negotiating for additional staff to handle some of the day-to-day activities that she was handling and perhaps even some of those tasks she didn't enjoy.

I won't tell you what she decided to do. Instead, the big question for you is this: if you were in her shoes would you take the promotion or stay put?

Recently while walking my dog, I happened to notice a group of trees lining the street. Most of the trees had leaves that were varying shades of green except one. One particular tree really stood out because it had these stunning purple-black leaves.

My first reaction?  I thought of Sesame Street and a segment they used to do where they asked: which one of these things doesn't belong? Then it struck me. What's wrong with being different and standing out?

That got me thinking about a time when I was in kindergarten and my teacher pulled my ponytail. I went home and told my mother that I could never be bad and my mother laughingly asked me why. I told her it was because of my red hair. My red hair not only made me stand out but made me an easy target to spot. As a result, I started to work hard to blend in and, on a subconcious level, I have tried to blend in ever since.

Yale law professor Kenji Yoshino, author of Covering: the Hidden Assault on Our Civil Rights, says women in the workplace practice what he calls "covering" -  downplaying aspects of ourselves that we think may be viewed as less acceptable in the workplace. He says this "covering" is what may be holding many groups back including women.

What's the moral of the story? Don't work hard to make yourself invisible. Instead, tell yourself it's okay to stand out and be an original.  Remember, in today's business world what makes you distinct may actually be an advantage.

The question: is this the 'Year of the Woman'? has been a subject of the media the past few weeks. When I read this I thought, yes! Women are finally making strides and getting the recognition and opportunities that they deserve. Woo hoo!

But something happened along the way. Suddenly I started reading blog posts from others (particularly women) who somehow thought that even asking this question was a bad thing. They said that it brought gender into the equation and that it didn't belong.

Suddenly I was feeling rather deflated because somehow I had gotten excited about the fact that this was indeed - and perhaps finally - going to be the 'Year of the Woman.' And yes, visions of a Time magazine cover with women in business suits had already danced in my head.

So I will ask you the question that has been on my mind the past few weeks. Does the 'Year of the Woman' label de-value what happened in the June 8th primaries? Or did you take this label as an indication of progress?

I hope to hear from you on this question because this inquiring mind would really like to know what you think.

How much time do you spend thinking about your success quotient (SQ)? Your SQ is comprised of your skills (the things that you do best) and your passions (those things that you love to do).  

If you're like me, you probably spend little or no time thinking about your SQ. You just tool along making things happen until all of a sudden you think, gosh, what am I working on now and why? And, you may even think, I don't even like what I'm doing. Yikes!

So how do we get so far removed from our SQ? I think I've figured it out. We get caught up in the day-to-day stuff (the got to do's) and we forget to spend time on any of the fun stuff (the want to do's).

My advice? Carve out some time to play. Spend that time on the things you want to do. My guess is that this will include some of the things you love to do. Do more of what you love and your SQ will rise exponentially. What's not to love about that?

The musical Wicked, The Untold Story of the Witches of Oz, is going to be back in town this fall. I really enjoyed reading the book and I'm intrigued to see the musical production.

Without going into a lot of detail (you'll have to read the book!) suffice it to say that this is a story about good relationships between women gone bad due to competition. Unfortunately, that's why it reminded me of women and leadership.

When men are in competition for a promotion or project, they go head-to-head and duke it out until one of them achieves success. Then, they shake hands and move on, often going out together to celebrate. In fact, studies show that men will typically fall in line behind the strongest male. (For you weaker males - watch out! That's a whole different story.)

This is often not the case for women. Rather, when women are in competition, they also go head-to-head and duke it out until one of them achieves success. But that's where the comparison often ends. Instead of shaking hands and moving on, something strange happens. All the relational skills and emotional intelligence we are purported to have goes right out the window.

Instead, and again the studies support this, women will work to take the strongest female out. (No, I'm not making this up.) So, until we're willing to embrace competition with grace and support the outcomes without malice, then we'll likely continue to struggle in making real strides in having more women in leadership positions.

So, if you're a woman at or on your way up the leadership ranks, kudos to you for taking on that challenge. Want a little piece of advice? Hang onto your ruby slippers and keep your eyes lifted to the sky. Unless something changes - and soon - don't be surprised to find that a falling house just might be in your future.